If O2 ran a pub.

I am one of the unlucky people who has a phone contract with O2, it was a big mistake I know but when I started with them many years ago they weren't as bloody awful as they are today.

It's not just their systems that are useless , they also employ a mix of very good and totally useless staff. Unfortunately the local store assistant manager falls into the totally useless category and I have other people backing me up on that one.

 

The biggest trouble with O2 is that they just don't give a stuff about customers, just getting through to their customer services can take an hour, and when you do get through they will make excuses for everything and if you are too much trouble simpy hang up on you.

 

Another infuriating thing is that they increase your tarrif mid contract saying that they are doing so for the benefit of customers to upgrade this or that, yet where I live I can't even send an iMessage, open a web page or update twitter when I am away from my own wifi connection. (Not with O2)

 

All this got me thinking what if O2 took over other things, perhaps decided to run a pub. So using my experiences of the Colchester O2 shop, their customer services and other people I know experiences this is how I think it will be run.......

 

IF O2 RAN A PUB

The pub will be easy to find but getting in it will be a big problem, doormen will hold you outside for no reason, take loads of personal details and eventually let you in to be met by another doorman who would take all your details again before moving you into the actual bar.

The barman (or woman) will tell you that they are the pub manager, and no matter which barman (or woman) served you they will tell you the same thing.

All the barmen and women will wear an O2 uniform, tell you its an O2 pub then tell you that the pub is owned by Pubifonica in Spain and if you have any complaints contact them. If you appear confused they will make sarcastic remarks to you.

 

Licensing laws will be anything the "manager" decided and no matter what UK laws said it will not apply to the O2 pub, who will operate under their own "policies" which are above the law.

You will order 4Gin and tonics and receive 2Gins and be asked to pay extra for the tonics, there will also be a charge for the glass, unless you had taken your own.

You will be required to use all the tonic at once, if there is too much for the glass you will have to throw the rest away because their policy says you can't carry over tonic to the next gin.

 

As you walk away from the bar a member of staff will call you back and inform you that the price has just increased and you needed to pay more for the drinks you already have. If you refused they will take the drinks back and claim you owe for the use of the glass.

 

The jukebox in the pub will play every other word of songs and occasionally stop completely, restart the last track, stop again then display "Song failed" and turn off. The volume will go from full to off every few minutes.

 

As you take the first sip of the Gin and realise it is vodka so return it to the bar you will be told that you only had 14seconds to complain about a drink, after that they are not interested, yes yes they know you would like to think that the law says they should sell you what you ask for but "policy" said they don't have to.

 

As you try to complain they will pick up a phone dial a number and hand it to you telling you if you don't like it talk to customer services.

 

Eventually you will realise that O2 isn't the pub for you but they have locked the doors and you can't leave unless you pay a penalty.

 

 

So if O2 ran a pub it would definitely be somewhere to avoid, thankfully they don't so you only need to avoid joining their phone service, or like me look forward to when you can leave..... Without paying a penalty.

 

Beware spam emails about Viagra . And other www problems.

I received an email the other day from that well known Canadian pharmacy. It's actually ironic that in the UK you get spam from them then when you go to Canada there are The London Drug company all over the place. Anyway I digress as usual.

The thing is that the email said - click on the link about the link below the one above if you don't want to not unselect the preselected purchase of Viagra. It further said, and I didn't notice this it at the time, that if I failed to unselect the selected tick in the box above the one below they would continue to supply me with Viagra until I had re selected the unselected tick box.

 

Anyway the result was that five days later I got home to find a card from the courier saying that I was out when they called and if I phoned the 0898 number on the card for just 98p a minute I could re-schedule the delivery to a time when I would be in. Intregued as I hadn't realised I had ordered anything I phone the number and after only 30minutes of selecting numbers and pressing stars and hashes my deliver was all set for 4pm the next day.

 

At 8am while I was out my delivery arrived and was left piled outside the front door. Fifty bright blue paper bags with "Extra strength Viagra" in orange emblazoned on each bag. The old lady opposite twitched her curtains as I moved the bags to gain access to my door.

 

On the doormat inside was the delivery note and an invoice for a rather large sum from The Canadian pharmacy for one tonne of Viagra pills.

I wasn't too worried about the bill, after all I am about to be very very rich once the money from the bank of Nigeria clears in my account from my distant relatives' sad accident, so all I needed to do was sent all the parcels back hence I left them on the doorstep.

 

If you don't live in the UK you might not know that recently we have been having quite a lot of rain here, and while I was desperately trying to find a contact number for the Canadian pharmacy I hadn't noticed that it was pouring with rain.

Canada being an environmentally aware country , ok ignore the tar sands, use paper packaging as it's easier to recycle. It also goes very soggy in the rain and by the time I had given up trying to return the packages they were dissolving and floating accross the lawn and over the flower beds.

 

Ok, I though, messy but it will wash away eventually.

 

But no, not so simple, leaving the house this morning I opened the door to find every blade of grass on the lawn has turned into a green nail, pointing straight up and solid as steel. You can't bend it, walk on it or cut it, 3 cats and a hedgehog are pinned into it. If I manage to push a blade of grass down it just springs straight up again. Its lethal.

 

So please anyone, is their an antidote to Viagra lawn, or do I just have to go and rub it gently until it eventually goes back to being soft?

 

Take these drugs Kids - Don't take drugs kids!

Millions of pounds are spent on educating children with "SAY NO TO DRUGS" "HUGS ARE BETTER THAN DRUGS" and various other reasonably pointless slogans that make police and teachers feel they have done something to dissuade them from trying things like cannabis or cocaine.

Then in a supermarket the other day walking past the dispensary I overheard a man with a very small child telling the pharmacist that the child had some ailment and that he had given him this drug but thought he needed that drug and the pharmacist was asking has he tried something else, I realised its a pretty mixed message children are receiving.

But it is what people do these days, as soon as little Jonny has the slightest perceived ailment its off to the chemist or worse to a G.P. to get a drug that will in their mind cure the problem. Never a thought that left alone the child will get better naturally.

 

The reason they do this .......our good friends in advertising.

 

Drug companies produce ads for "gentle medicines" "safe for children" and sell drugs for the baby from age 1day. There is something to give them for everything from nappy rash or crying too softly or because mum thinks the child is too hot or too cold, or maybe just a little pill to make them sleep while parents go off down the tapas bar with friends every night. Its usually in nice packages that say hey look give your child this it's perfectly safe we gave a mouse 300 doses and it only died once!

 

Doctors prescribe no end of antibiotics to children for the slightest ailment ignoring the evidence that many of these drugs don't cure much of what they are given for and also destroy the child's natural ability to fight off viruses and bugs, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

 

So remember kids SAY NO TO DRUGS, unless they are given to you by a man (or woman) wearing an unnecessary white coat, in which case remember to take the entire course because if you don't your natural ability to recover from illness might just still be with you as an adult !

 

 

 

 

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Cancer Research - And why they have to fail forever.

 

We all know someone who has done a charity event for Cancer Research, usually something pointless like a run, a walk or as some woman told me the other day given up alcohol for a month.

When cancer research first started over 70 years ago there was probably a genuine wish to find a cure, to save lives and to make the ill well again. But as time progressed and the big drug companies took hold things changed and changed rapidly. Now the cures have to be hidden.

HOW THE DRUGS INDUSTRY WORKS.

 

A drug company only has so many years that it holds the patent for its drugs during which time it can basically charge what it likes, but once this expires other companies can make the drug and this is the time that a lot of drugs are suddenly discovered to be either not as good as suggested or just darn right dangerous. So hey presto the drug company comes along with a new drug to replace the old one and the cycle starts again. Thereby ensuring that any other company who is now making the drug has a hard time trying to sell it.

Seriously this is how it works, I'm not making it up. Over the years £billions has been paid out in compensation for people killed and injured taking dangerous prescription drugs. It's all about the money, not making people well.

Only by selling drugs will the company make a profit, no way would they ever want to release a pill that for example cures the common cold with one dose, that would be a disaster, far better to sell you lots of other products that will reduce the length of your cold from 7 days to just a week and need to be taken 3 times a day.

Returning to the point, Cancer "research" employs millions of people around the world, from charity collections to supposed research and development of drugs.

Cancer Research UK alone employs thousands of people and over 4000 of these are earning over £60,000 a year with many on over £100,000 a year and the big boss earning £260,000 a year. That's the charity people, nothing to do with researching. A massive £1.5million is spent just on their top earners. And every one of them is out of work if ever a careless scientist let's slip that cancer was cured years ago.

There is also the vast sums of money to be made for all the ongoing treatments that bring in masses of money, like chemo and radiotherapy. Many of these treatments have never saved a life, no really they haven't. People survive cancer despite the treatment in many cases, not because of it, especially in the USA where everyone pays for everything in health care.

OK I know you don't believe me, the world is not that bad that people are dying just to save profits. Yes it is and don't just take my word for it. There is plenty of evidence, haven't you ever wondered why every time there is a fantastic new possible cure found it will vanish without trace.

Because Millions will become unemployed around the world as soon as cancer is cured, so it's never ever going to be allowed to happen.

 

So, next time someone tells you that they are running 10km or shaving half their chest for Cancer research , just mention that cancer was cured years ago but its good they are helping to fund millions of jobs around the world.

 

 

We're all (not) going to the Zoo tomorrow .

No one knows I have a daughter because she has never been allowed out of her room since she was born 8 years ago, I keep her locked in 24 hours a day 365 days a year. it's OK though really it is I go in twice a day and give her food and drink, just the basics that I know she likes porridge and water but its a perfectly good diet and she doesn't need variety just the basics.

 

And before you start complaining that keeping her locked in a room is wrong just remember she was born in it so doesn't know anything else, it's not cruel ,it's not wrong, how can she miss things that she doesn't know, or want for things she has never seen.

 

Still not convinced? Me neither, but its exactly what is happening in Zoos in this country and all around the world.

Wonderful animals that should be roaming over thousands of acres of land or climbing in forests or swimming in seas are locked in animal prisons so that snotty nosed school children can go and gorpe at them. They are fed a diet obtained by the most cost effect methods, stale bread from the supermarkets full of additives for some or the cheapest possible foods for others to maximise the profit of the zoos.

 

Zoos tell us that it's not wrong the animals were born in captivity as if this somehow makes it all Ok, and we let them continue. They try and justify it as conservation but when an animal escapes its shot dead as happen to wolves from Colchester Zoo the other month. But it's OK they were just wolves so no one should worry.

 

There is no need, no possible justification, for these animal prisons, there is the Discovery Channel, National Gerographic and many wildlife documentaries where children can see animals as they should be, free, wild and living a purposeful life.

 

Children should not be told that Zoos are fun or good places to visit, they should see the boredom and frustration that the locked up animals are suffering every day. They should be told to demand that these terrible places are shut down.

 

 

 

A visit to Microsoft (spoof)

Anyone with a Microsoft/Windows based computer will know the joy of their operating systems especially windows 8, the way that you turn your computer on and never wait more than an hour before you can actually usefully use it and the way everything is so simple even a rocket scientist can do it.

 

I decided to pay a visit to their UK offices and thank them in person for the amazing systems they produce for the home user.

 

I arrived at the carpark where the barrier was stuck in the down positing but a helpfull young man told me that he would park my car in a while, they were just carrying out a "CRITICAL UPDATE" to the barrier and it would be working again in about 5minutes, I left him my car keys he insisted I "DO NOT SWITCH OFF" my engine and leave the car with the boot open and a can of petrol by the fuel filler cap, he said it was company policy.

 

I walked to the main entrance and about to pull the door open spotted a sign saying that a "SECURITY UPDATE" was taking place to the doors and I would need to use the side entrance, I followed the signs and found a side door with a notice "TO OPEN PRESS THE ALTERNATIVE BUTTON WHILE HOLDING THE HANDLE AND SLIDING LOCK WITH RIGHT HAND AND PRESSING THE ENTER KEY WITH THE LEFT HAND" after 4 attempts the door opened slightly and two more attempts I was in.

 

Once in there were no directions to reception but after wandering I found my way.

 

I told the young girl on the desk who I was visiting and she asked for my 12 digit appointment code, unfortunately I had obviously written it down with a Capitol or zero where there should have been a lower case or letter O so I had to send an email to the girl on the desk for her to send me the code to my phone in order to ensure I was actually the person she was expecting.

The email didn't arrive, I had forgotten that I used my hotmail account not my outlook when booking the appointment, so we started again and my appointment was eventually confirmed.

 

I was told to wait in the canteen and directed to the lifts, go to the 10th floor she said, the lift will take you there you don't need to select a floor it stops on them all. I stood in the lift, the floor indicator showed 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-8-7-6-7-5-7-6-4-3-2-1. RESTARTING PLEASE WAIT- 5-6-7-8-7-6-5-6-7-8-9 and then 10. I have no idea how we went from floor 1 to 5 without moving.

 

Stepping out I was in the canteen which was closed while "UPDATES ARE IN PROGRESS THIS MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME"

 

I headed back to reception where the nice young girl input my appointment code again, yikes I gave her the wrong one first time so we had to do the email thing again, although I did remember outlook not hotmail this time.

 

She told me to go to the third floor where I would be met by the head of customer relations, I opted for the stairs which seemed to all be slightly different heights and angles, a sign informed me "UPDATES ARE IN PROGRESS BUT YOU CAN CONTINUE WALKING WHILE THESE TAKE PLACE" I did but the walk was very slow and difficult.

 

The third floor had six doors and a notice "PLEASE SELECT YOUR DEFAULT DOOR, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHOICE" but gave no assistance on which door would be best for the head of customer relations. As it happened the first two doors stuck, the third opened but wouldn't close properly.

 

I headed for a desk with the sign "head of customer relations " hanging over it only to find another sign saying he had been " MOVED TO QUARANTINE" which I later found out meant he was off with a flu virus.

 

I walked back to the 6 doors only to find that five were no longer working but luckily the stuck open one had just enough room to squeeze through but did make an interesting click sound behind me followed by a speaker "THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ERROR PLEASE WAIT WHILE WE CHECK FOR A FIX" then it said "NO FIX AVAILABLE" all very odd.

 

The stairs down looked different, then I realised that for no reason that I could fathom the lights were changing random colours and would suddenly go out then all come back on white again.

 

Again at reception the girl asked me for my appointment number but I told her that I would leave it for today and headed for the exit, only to realise that the security update meant I hit the glass as I pushed the handle so checking no one had seen I took the side door, there was a notice "HANDLE MISSING" To open from the inside "SLIDE POINTER TO TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER THEN DROP DOWN TO BOTTOM CORNER AND SELECT OPEN" before the top arrow had slipped out.

 

The young man by the car park barrier was standing by my car with the barrier half up, he refused to let me take the car until he had emailed me to confirm my identity.

 

He should be out of hospital Friday.

 

 

Cholesterol the Myth and the Lies

When visiting a Doctor or attending fitness clubs we are faced with a multitude of notices and you can bet that one will be telling you to get your cholesterol checked. Its so important that we know our level because if it is too high then we need to take Statins to reduce it.

Everyone knows someone who has high cholesterol and is on statins, everyone should get tested and everyone must conform to the limit.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE .......

That is all wrong. No really it is and it is not me saying it, its a lot of very well educated scientists who have been saying it for a while now. Our Cholesterol level is irrelevant. I say irrelevant but what I mean is that it is not important in the way doctors have been telling us for years.

It all started with a cock up and the best way I have had it explained is like this.

If you are doing research into the cause of house fires you will see that at every house fire there are fire engines and firemen, so therefore it follows that fire engines and firemen must cause house fires. Simple. If you remove those then the fires will stop. No arguments the fire service cause house fires and it's completely proved by research.

Well you probably believed it with cholesterol so why not with fires?

 

The thing is that cholesterol is often present in people and someone made the huge leap from that to heart attacks and other problems. But for Cholesterol read the fire service, it turns up after an event. This event is inflammation in the body. When the body finds inflammation it uses cholesterol to help heal it in the same way that it would create a scar over a wound. So, in fact if you lower the cholesterol with drugs you stop the body healing itsself and unless you are tackling the inflammation you are turning off the water in the fire service pipes and letting the house burn out of control.

Some news papers and medical journals have been publishing this but unfortunately the sale of Statins was $82billion in 2011 so there is a lot of pressure to keep people popping them.

There is also the problem that although the original research has now been completely discredited a lot of doctors who trained under the cock up theory keep saying "everyone knows high cholesterol is bad for you" and ignoring the fact the world has changed.

Companies selling products that they claim lower cholesterol like flora and other chemically manufactured gunk make way too much money to admit that what they are really selling is a cock up theory from 40 years ago.

The evidence is out there, in publications by doctors, scientists, cardiologist and on the web, but the drug industry is worth billions and in some cases your GP will be getting a nice little incentives to both test you for cholesterol and then prescribe you the drug the drug company rep has paid him to promote.

 

There is so much money to be made by scaring people about cholesterol, it sells all kinds of foods and it makes people take unnecessary drugs. Doctors make a profit from it and even Sainsburys teams up with Flora margarine to offer people unnecessary testing in the supermarket ending the in store advert with "helping you live well for less" shouldn't that be live less well.

 

It started with a research cock up 40 years ago, so isn't it time it stopped.